Rejection Sensitivity: When Rejection Feels Bigger Than It Should

Sometimes it's not even lunchtime, and I already convinced myself I’ve disappointed everyone I care about. Relate to this scenario?

If you’re someone who experiences rejection sensitivity, you might know exactly what that spiral feels like. One misunderstood text. A lack of response. A shift in tone. And suddenly, your brain is building stories about how you’ve let people down, messed things up, or proven yourself to be “too much.”

The kicker? Most of these stories aren’t even close to being true.

But the feelings? They’re very real.

So, What Is Rejection Sensitivity?

Rejection Sensitivity is when perceived rejection—whether it’s real or imagined—leads to intense emotional pain, shame, or self-criticism. For many people, especially those with ADHD, it shows up as Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria (RSD), a pattern of deeply emotional responses to even minor slights or perceived disapproval.

You might notice it if you:

• Apologize constantly, even when nothing went wrong
• Ruminate over casual comments for hours (or days)
• Assume someone’s silence means they’re upset with you
• Fear failure so much that you avoid trying altogether
• Isolate and avoid interactions in order to feel less uncomfortable
• Replay interactions and pick them apart, convinced you messed up

Even when people tell you it’s fine, even when logic says, “they’re not mad,” your body still feels like it’s in crisis.

Why It Hits So Hard

Rejection sensitivity often has roots in nervous system dysregulation, past experiences of actual rejection or abandonment, and internalized pressure to be “enough.” For folks with ADHD, the combination of emotional intensity and executive dysfunction can make it even harder to filter or regulate reactions in the moment.

Your brain might be saying:

“They hate me.”
“I’m annoying.”
“They’re just being polite.”
“I’ve ruined this relationship.”

Even if none of it is true, those thoughts can feel undeniable. And that constant self-monitoring? It’s exhausting.

What Helps

If you see yourself in this, you’re not dramatic, and you’re definitely not alone.

Here are a few things that can help when rejection sensitivity takes over:

Name it.
Just recognizing that you’re experiencing rejection sensitivity can create some distance from the spiral.
“This might not be true—it might just be my brain reacting.”

Regulate your nervous system.
Grounding techniques, deep breathing, or stepping outside can help shift your body out of panic mode. It’s not about fixing the thought; it’s about calming the storm.

Talk back to the inner critic.
Write down what you’re assuming. Then write down what you’d say to a friend who felt the same way.
(Hint: You’d probably be a lot kinder.)

Reach out.
If it feels safe, check in with someone you trust.
A simple, “Hey, my brain is spiraling, can you reassure me this is okay?” can go a long way.

Explore it with support.
Rejection sensitivity is a real emotional experience, and therapy can help you unpack where it shows up and how to work with it, not against it.

Check out more practical ideas and techniques that I share over on Instagram at @sometimesatherapist.

You’re Not the Only One Crying in the Car

The response to my recent post about this was overwhelming.
So many of you said, “This is me.”
And that’s why I’m writing this.

Rejection sensitivity can feel isolating, especially when it’s invisible to the outside world. But behind the tears we don’t always show are shared experiences, and a lot of us are carrying the same weight!

You’re not too sensitive. You’re not failing. You’re responding to something that feels real to your brain, and that deserves care, not shame.

Want more support? I am accepting therapy clients in Charlotte, NC as well as virtually in NC and SC.

I also offer virtual and in person groups for individuals in NC and SC, so make sure you check those out too!

Are you a therapist? I offer supervision and consulting for therapists as well as The Therapist Toolbox Resource Library for other providers.