Stop with the Body Comments, please!

Hi, hello! This may be a soapbox for me. I'm Rachel Tenny, an eating disorder therapist with years of experiencing working with clients who are working on navigating a more neutral relationship with their bodies. 

A friendly reminder that body comments are cringe, even if you mean for them to be a compliment. 

We live in a world that validates weight loss and often compliments it without knowing the reason for the weight loss. I have had countless clients share how the validation of their weight loss caused them to increase their behaviors or made them feel like they needed to continue losing weight.

You never know what someone is going through or what their relationship with their body is like, which can make giving a body based compliment uncomfy for everyone involved. Outside of eating disorders, lots of other medical concerns can cause unintentional weight loss and body changes.

Even comments like "you look so great now!" can cause insecurities surrounding how the person was perceived before and also validate that people noticed their appearance shift.

It can feel hard to come up with things that aren’t appearance based and I am often one to compliment someone’s style or outfit. While not the same as complimenting on their body, it is pretty adjacent. It is wild how challenging it can be to come up with with non-appearance based things to say to someone!

 Here are some non-appearance based greetings you can try out...

• “I am so glad to see you and spend time with you!”
• “I have been looking forward to being around you.”
• “It is so good to be with you!”
• “Your joy is radiating!”
• “Your energy is contagious!”

Here are some non-appearance compliments you can try out..

🌱 Personality & Character

• “You have such a calming presence.”

• “Your kindness is contagious.”

• “You’re incredibly thoughtful.”

• “You make people feel seen and heard.”

• “Your resilience is inspiring.”

🧠 Intelligence & Insight

• “You have such a unique way of seeing the world.”

• “I always learn something from you.”

• “You’re a deep thinker.”

• “Your creativity blows me away.”

• “You ask the best questions.”

❤️ Emotional Strength & Impact

• “You make people feel safe.”

• “You’re so emotionally intelligent.”

• “Your vulnerability is powerful.”

• “The way you show up for others is beautiful.”

• “You have a gift for making people feel understood.”

💫 Energy & Presence

• “You light up any room you’re in.”

• “Being around you makes everything feel lighter.”

• “You bring such good energy.”

• “You radiate warmth.”

• “You make ordinary moments feel special.”

What would you add? How do you feel when someone comments on your appearance?

Want more support? I am accepting therapy clients in Charlotte, NC as well as virtually in NC and SC.

I also offer virtual and in person groups for individuals in NC and SC, so make sure you check those out too!

Are you a therapist? I offer supervision and consulting for therapists as well as The Therapist Toolbox Resource Library for other providers. 

I share practical ideas and techniques over on Instagram at @sometimesatherapist.