Sitting with Your Feelings: What It Really Means and How to Do It

Have you ever found yourself confused (or even annoyed) when a therapist suggests you "sit with your feelings"? If so, you’re not alone. It can feel vague, frustrating, or even impossible when emotions are overwhelming. But this practice is one of the most powerful tools for emotional growth and self-awareness. So, what does "sitting with your feelings" actually mean, and how do you do it? Let’s break it down.

What Does It Mean to Sit with Your Feelings?

"Sitting with your feelings" refers to allowing yourself to experience and acknowledge emotions without judgment or avoidance. It means being present with your emotions rather than trying to suppress, control, or escape them. It also involves being curious about what your emotions are trying to communicate to you.

Step-by-Step Guide to Sitting with Your Feelings

Step 1: Pause

Instead of reacting immediately, commit to giving yourself a moment to understand what is happening inside you. This simple act of pausing can help you shift from impulsively reacting to mindfully responding.

If you’re feeling overwhelmed and dysregulated, focus on grounding and regulating yourself first before proceeding.

Step 2: Identify What You Are Feeling

Naming and labeling your emotions is a great place to start. If you’re unsure, check an emotion wheel (like this one in my shop!)  or write down words that seem to fit what you’re experiencing.

Step 3: Validate the Feeling and Stay Curious

Uncomfortable emotions often trigger the urge to push them away. Instead, try practicing self-validation. Acknowledge your feelings without judgment and get curious about them.

Some helpful self-validation statements:

• "It’s okay to feel this."

• "I am safe right now."

• "I am open to seeing what is going on."

Step 4: Notice Any Body Sensations

Our bodies hold emotional experiences, often showing up as physical sensations. Take a moment to check in with your body:

• Do you feel tightness in your chest?

• Are your shoulders tense?

• Do you have butterflies in your stomach?

Noticing these sensations can give you valuable insight into your emotional state.

Step 5: Stay Present

Did you know that when we stay present with an emotional experience—rather than avoiding it—the peak intensity usually lasts only 90-120 seconds? This means that if you can allow yourself to sit with it, the emotion will naturally lessen in intensity.

Ways to Stay Present:

• Find a comfortable place to sit

• Use grounding techniques or coping skills

Helpful Tools for Staying Present:

• Weighted blankets and heating pads

• Fidgets (like NeeDoh stress balls)

• Coloring or doodling

• Playing with kinetic sand or Play-Doh

• Aromatherapy (lighting a candle, essential oils, etc.)

• Holding something hot or cold

• Co-regulation with a pet or trusted person

Step 6: Show Yourself Compassion

Everyone gets triggered—by big things or small things. It’s part of being human. Instead of judging yourself for struggling to sit with your emotions, recognize that you are learning and growing. Show yourself the same kindness you would offer a friend in a similar situation.

Reminder: There’s no "right" way to do this. Some days will be easier than others, and that’s okay. Just keep coming back to the practice when you can.

Final Thoughts

Learning to sit with your feelings is a powerful step toward emotional resilience. By allowing yourself to experience emotions fully, you gain a deeper understanding of yourself and develop the ability to navigate difficult feelings with more ease. The next time you hear the phrase "sit with your feelings," you’ll know exactly what it means and how to do it.