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FLASHSALE
For most of my life, I thought I was just bad at being an adult.
I’d forget appointments. I’d start a task and feel completely overwhelmed before I even got halfway through. I lived in a constant state of mental chaos, always wondering why things that seemed so simple for everyone else felt nearly impossible for me.
It wasn’t until I was diagnosed with ADHD at 33 that things started to make sense.
What I had always labeled as laziness or disorganization was actually executive dysfunction—a core struggle for many people with ADHD. And for women, especially, it often goes unnoticed or misunderstood for years.
What Is Executive Functioning (and Why Does It Matter)?
Executive functioning is the mental "management system" that helps you plan, focus, remember things, regulate emotions, and complete tasks. It’s made up of skills like:
- Organization
- Time management
- Emotional regulation
- Task initiation
- Impulse control
- Focus and flexible thinking
- Self-monitoring and self-regulation
These aren’t just “nice to have” traits—they’re foundational to everyday life. And when you have ADHD, especially as a woman, these areas can become invisible obstacles you trip over daily.
How It Showed Up for Me
Before my diagnosis, I overcompensated in so many ways. I had elaborate color-coded planners. I set five alarms for everything. I stayed up late to “catch up” and beat myself up when I still didn’t get it all done.
I thought if I just tried harder, I’d finally be able to keep up. But that’s the thing, executive dysfunction isn’t about effort. It’s about how your brain processes information, emotion, and action.
And yet, no one ever connected the dots for me. Like many women, I was told I had anxiety and depression. Maybe I was just "too sensitive" or "too distracted." But deep down, I knew something else was going on.
The Emotional Toll of Being Misunderstood
Living with undiagnosed ADHD and executive dysfunction means living in constant self-doubt. You question your memory, your worth, and your ability to “adult.” You spend so much energy hiding the chaos that you end up burned out, and no one sees it.
It’s hard to explain to people that something as simple as starting a load of laundry can feel like climbing a mountain. Or that your emotions sometimes feel so intense that it’s physically overwhelming. Or that you missed an important email, not because you don’t care, but because your brain lost the thread somewhere between four other tabs and a snack.
You’re Not Lazy. You’re Not Broken.
Executive dysfunction is not a personality flaw. It’s not a lack of motivation. It’s part of how ADHD shows up and understanding that has helped me give myself the compassion I needed for years.
If you’re nodding along to any of this, I want you to know: there is nothing wrong with you. You are not alone. And there are tools and resources that can help.
Want to Learn More?
If this resonates with you, I created something to help. My Late Diagnosis ADHD in Women Workbook & Guide walks through the gender bias in ADHD diagnosis, the impact of executive dysfunction, and offers journal prompts, education, and validation for women like us.
You deserve support that actually fits you.
Want more support? I am accepting therapy clients in Charlotte, NC as well as virtually in NC and SC.
I also offer virtual and in person groups for individuals in NC and SC, so make sure you check those out too!
Are you a therapist? I offer supervision and consulting for therapists as well as The Therapist Toolbox Resource Library for other providers.
I share practical ideas and techniques over on Instagram at @sometimesatherapist.
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One of the things I’ve been thinking about lately is how much shame can get wrapped up in needing help, especially when you’re neurodivergent. I will give you bonus points if you’re the oldest daughter… IYKYK.
For so many of us, there is a long history of being told, directly or indirectly, that we should be able to do things that we consistently struggle with. Or we try to overextend to prove that we can do it all and then crash out. Spoiler alert: Nobody does it all. They are lying if they say they do or else they wake up at 3 AM and are in overdrive.
I think this is one of the things that made my ADHD diagnosis (at age 33 after my 2nd daughter was born) so complicated.
What if the way back to yourself isn’t another system, strategy, or productivity hack, but instead learning to trust what you already know? Your intuition. Your knowing. Your power. The things you knew in your bones before you were forced to bury or hide or shrink them.
When was the last time you did something simply because it was fun?
Not because it was productive.
Not because it was good for your mental health.
Not because you could turn it into a hobby, a side hustle, or something to check off your list.
Just because you wanted to.
For many women with ADHD, this question can be surprisingly difficult to answer, because we become very good at doing, managing, remembering, planning, catching up, and trying to keep everything together.
And somewhere along the way, play can quietly disappear as our energy and brain power/spoons for the day shift to managing instead of being.
If you’ve ever looked at your bank account and thought, “How did this happen?”or you’ve promised yourself this would be the month you finally stick to a budget, only to find yourself ordering takeout after forgetting to grocery shop again, you are far from alone.
For many women with ADHD, money isn’t just about math. It’s about executive functioning, emotions, dopamine, shame, and a nervous system that is constantly trying to meet competing needs and ends up frozen and shut down.
The financial struggles that come with ADHD are often misunderstood as being irresponsible, careless, or lacking discipline. As a human with ADHD, my personal relationship with money has been far from linear and is absolutely a constant work in progress.
When you have ADHD, it can feel like you are never not “managing” yourself. Whether it’s trying to make sure you’re doing enough, showing up in a way that doesn’t show how hard things are, or just trying not to drop the ball. It’s a lot…and your inner critic, well she (he/they) are often sitting on your shoulder making sure you don’t mess up and reminding you of all the times you did in case you get too comfortable.
I like the idea of externalizing our inner critic as “us, but not us”. Our inner critic is a part of us that likely developed to keep us from those moments when we experienced guilt and shame and heartbreak. Even when we try to slow down or take a break, our inner critic is often there, watching and waiting. Like the house guest who won’t go away, because more than anything, they don’t want us to experience failure or hard emotional responses.
There are a lot of things that may be easier than creating a sustainable routine if you have ADHD. ADHD...
When you have ADHD, procrastination is often highly misunderstood. It’s rarely avoidance, laziness, or lack of motivation. Many people with ADHD want to start earlier, but struggle to access the mental energy needed to begin.
The issue is often task initiation, not intention. As I shared a few week’s ago in the post all about Task Initiation, ADHD brains are interest-based. Tasks that feel boring, repetitive, overwhelming, unclear, or emotionally loaded can be hard to start.
Then suddenly, when the deadline gets closer, urgency kicks in and the brain finally starts to activates. Often intensely.
There’s a very specific kind of frustration that comes with ADHD and executive dysfunction.
It’s not just about being distracted or forgetful.
It’s the experience of knowing what needs to be done…and feeling completely unable to follow through.
Not because you don’t care. Not because you’re not trying.
Just… stuck in the gap between intention and action.
From the outside, it can look like laziness, inconsistency, or a lack of discipline.
But internally? It often feels like your brain won’t cooperate with you.
There’s a very specific kind of frustration that comes with ADHD and starting tasks.
It’s sitting in front of something you need to do, sometimes something you even want to do and feeling completely unable to start.
Not distracted. Not uninterested. Just…stuck.
From the outside, it can look like procrastination, avoidance, or even not caring.
But internally? It often feels like your brain is hitting an invisible wall.
One of the most common things I hear from adults with ADHD, especially women and late-diagnosed folks, isn’t about focus or productivity.
It’s this:
“I feel misunderstood all the time.”
And not in a loud, dramatic way.
In a quiet, accumulating way.
The kind that settles into your nervous system and slowly teaches you not to trust yourself or to minimize your intuition and needs.
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