It Wasn’t Laziness—It Was Executive Dysfunction All Along
For most of my life, I thought I was just bad at being an adult.
I’d forget appointments. I’d start a task and feel completely overwhelmed before I even got halfway through. I lived in a constant state of mental chaos, always wondering why things that seemed so simple for everyone else felt nearly impossible for me.
It wasn’t until I was diagnosed with ADHD at 33 that things started to make sense.
What I had always labeled as laziness or disorganization was actually executive dysfunction—a core struggle for many people with ADHD. And for women, especially, it often goes unnoticed or misunderstood for years.
What Is Executive Functioning (and Why Does It Matter)?
Executive functioning is the mental "management system" that helps you plan, focus, remember things, regulate emotions, and complete tasks. It’s made up of skills like:
- Organization
- Time management
- Emotional regulation
- Task initiation
- Impulse control
- Focus and flexible thinking
- Self-monitoring and self-regulation
These aren’t just “nice to have” traits—they’re foundational to everyday life. And when you have ADHD, especially as a woman, these areas can become invisible obstacles you trip over daily.
How It Showed Up for Me
Before my diagnosis, I overcompensated in so many ways. I had elaborate color-coded planners. I set five alarms for everything. I stayed up late to “catch up” and beat myself up when I still didn’t get it all done.
I thought if I just tried harder, I’d finally be able to keep up. But that’s the thing—executive dysfunction isn’t about effort. It’s about how your brain processes information, emotion, and action.
And yet, no one ever connected the dots for me. Like many women, I was told I had anxiety. Depression. Maybe I was just too sensitive or too distracted. But deep down, I knew something else was going on.
The Emotional Toll of Being Misunderstood
Living with undiagnosed ADHD and executive dysfunction means living in constant self-doubt. You question your memory, your worth, and your ability to “adult.” You spend so much energy hiding the chaos that you end up burned out, and no one sees it.
It’s hard to explain to people that something as simple as starting a load of laundry can feel like climbing a mountain. Or that your emotions sometimes feel so intense that it’s physically overwhelming. Or that you missed an important email, not because you don’t care, but because your brain lost the thread somewhere between four other tabs and a snack.
You’re Not Lazy. You’re Not Broken.
Executive dysfunction is not a personality flaw. It’s not a lack of motivation. It’s part of how ADHD shows up—and understanding that has helped me give myself the compassion I needed for years.
If you’re nodding along to any of this, I want you to know: there is nothing wrong with you. You are not alone. And there are tools and resources that can help.
Want to Learn More?
If this resonates with you, I created something to help. My Late Diagnosis ADHD in Women Workbook & Guide walks through the gender bias in ADHD diagnosis, the impact of executive dysfunction, and offers journal prompts, education, and validation for women like us.
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