ADHD & Procrastination (It's not Laziness)

One of the things I’ve been thinking about lately is how much shame can get wrapped up in needing help, especially when you’re neurodivergent. I will give you bonus points if you’re the oldest daughter… IYKYK. 

For so many of us, there is a long history of being told, directly or indirectly, that we should be able to do things that we consistently struggle with. Or we try to overextend to prove that we can do it all and then crash out. Spoiler alert: Nobody does it all. They are lying if they say they do or else they wake up at 3 AM and are in overdrive.

I think this is one of the things that made my ADHD diagnosis (at age 33 after my 2nd daughter was born) so complicated. 

What if the way back to yourself isn’t another system, strategy, or productivity hack, but instead learning to trust what you already know? Your intuition. Your knowing. Your power. The things you knew in your bones before you were forced to bury or hide or shrink them. 

When was the last time you did something simply because it was fun?

Not because it was productive.
Not because it was good for your mental health.
Not because you could turn it into a hobby, a side hustle, or something to check off your list.

Just because you wanted to.

For many women with ADHD, this question can be surprisingly difficult to answer, because we become very good at doing, managing, remembering, planning, catching up, and trying to keep everything together.

And somewhere along the way, play can quietly disappear as our energy and brain power/spoons for the day shift to managing instead of being.

As a therapist who works primarily with women with a late ADHD diagnosis, I notice a few common themes that most of the neurodivergent I spend time with experience:

1. Limited Free-Time: We rarely allow ourselves free time. Whether that is due to over-functioning, baseline business, or exhaustion. There is little time left for fun or hobbies.
2. 100000% In: We go all in. Like research everything, buy $500 worth of supplies, become obsessed for a week and then never think of it again.
3. Losing our Connection: Not having any idea of what we enjoy doing, which comes up a lot for neurodivergent moms. The idea that somehow we lost part of ourselves in becoming parents and don’t know how to connect with that part again.
4. Hobby to Business: Turning your hobby into a business. The pipeline to noticing you’re good at something and then realizing you can in fact make money doing it should be studied. 

When you have ADHD, it can feel like you are never not “managing” yourself. Whether it’s trying to make sure you’re doing enough, showing up in a way that doesn’t show how hard things are, or just trying not to drop the ball. It’s a lot…and your inner critic, well she (he/they) are often sitting on your shoulder making sure you don’t mess up and reminding you of all the times you did in case you get too comfortable.

I like the idea of externalizing our inner critic as “us, but not us”. Our inner critic is a part of us that likely developed to keep us from those moments when we experienced guilt and shame and heartbreak. Even when we try to slow down or take a break, our inner critic is often there, watching and waiting. Like the house guest who won’t go away, because more than anything, they don’t want us to experience failure or hard emotional responses.

There are a lot of things that may be easier than creating a sustainable routine if you have ADHD. ADHD...

There’s a very specific kind of overwhelm that comes with ADHD.

It’s not just having a lot to do. It’s looking at everything you need to do and feeling like your brain just shuts down or goes offline. I often refer to this kind of overwhelm as my brain "needing a reboot.”

Overwhelm often hits like a baseball flying at 90mph towards your face (your’e welcome for that example) and feels like everything is happening at once and you can’t decide how to react. Do I swing? Do I step out of the way? And often, you might freeze and get hit with a ball. (TBH, I am going to roll with this analogy thanks to my extra cup of coffee today).

There’s a very specific kind of frustration that comes with ADHD and executive dysfunction.

It’s not just about being distracted or forgetful.

It’s the experience of knowing what needs to be done…and feeling completely unable to follow through.

Not because you don’t care. Not because you’re not trying.

Just… stuck in the gap between intention and action.

From the outside, it can look like laziness, inconsistency, or a lack of discipline.

But internally? It often feels like your brain won’t cooperate with you.

There’s a very specific kind of frustration that comes with ADHD and starting tasks.

It’s sitting in front of something you need to do, sometimes something you even want to do and feeling completely unable to start.

Not distracted. Not uninterested. Just…stuck.

From the outside, it can look like procrastination, avoidance, or even not caring.

But internally? It often feels like your brain is hitting an invisible wall.

Many women with ADHD walk through the world carrying an invisible emotional weight.

It’s not just distractibility.
It’s not just being late.

It’s not just unfinished projects or forgotten texts.

It’s the guilt and shame that quietly accumulate over years of feeling like you’re always a step behind everyone else.

For many women (especially those diagnosed later in life), ADHD isn’t just a neurological difference, it becomes a story about who they believe they are.

“Why can’t I just get it together?”
“Other people seem to manage this.”
“I’m letting people down again.”

One of the most common things I hear from adults with ADHD, especially women and late-diagnosed folks, isn’t about focus or productivity.

It’s this:
“I feel misunderstood all the time.”

And not in a loud, dramatic way.
In a quiet, accumulating way.
The kind that settles into your nervous system and slowly teaches you not to trust yourself or to minimize your intuition and needs.

For many people, receiving an ADHD diagnosis later in life comes with a wave of relief.

Finally, there’s an explanation. Finally, things make sense.

But relief is often only part of the story.

What doesn’t get talked about enough is the grief that follows — quiet, heavy, and sometimes unexpected. Late-diagnosis ADHD grief isn’t dramatic or indulgent. It’s a normal response to understanding your life through a new lens.

And it deserves space.

Spoon Theory is a metaphor used describe the limited energy people with chronic illness or mental health concerns often have....

Personal reflections as a therapist who received a late ADHD diagnosis.

Rejection sensitivity can make even small moments feel overwhelming. This post explores what it looks like, why it shows up (especially for those with ADHD), and how to work with your brain instead of against it when emotions feel like too much.

Group therapy offers more than just support—it provides connection, perspective, and community. Whether you're navigating a new diagnosis, identity shift, or season of overwhelm, this post explores how group spaces can help you feel seen, supported, and less alone.

For years, I blamed myself for being "scattered" or “bad at adulting.” I thought if I just tried harder, I’d finally get it together. But what I didn’t realize was that I was struggling with executive dysfunction—something that impacts nearly every part of life for people with ADHD. In this blog, I’m sharing my own experience with a late ADHD diagnosis and unpacking why struggles with focus, time, and task initiation aren’t signs of laziness—they’re signs you might need support.