Why Goal Setting & Resolutions Can Be Hard for Women with ADHD

New year, new you? If you are feeling the pressure to somehow reinvent yourself and change how you show up in the world because it's January of a new year, you're not alone. 

For many women with ADHD, it’s not a lack of motivation or discipline that keeps us from accomplishing our goals. It is often so much deeper and more complex than just not being able to get it done. 

Here are some common barriers for goal setting and resolutions if you're a woman with ADHD: 

1. Executive Dysfunction ≠ Laziness

Goal setting relies heavily on executive functioning: planning, prioritizing, sequencing, and follow-through. ADHD makes these skills inconsistent, not absent. You may know what you want, but translating that into steps and sustained action is exhausting.

2. Time Blindness Makes “Long-Term” Feel Abstract

Goals often depend on imagining the future and pacing effort over time. ADHD brains struggle with time perception, so future rewards don’t feel motivating enough right now. This makes resolutions feel meaningless once the initial dopamine wears off.

3. Motivation Is Interest-Based, Not Importance-Based

Traditional goal setting assumes we’re motivated by what’s important. ADHD brains are motivated by novelty, urgency, interest, and reward. If a goal doesn’t spark dopamine, consistency becomes incredibly hard, even if the goal matters deeply.

4. Perfectionism + All-or-Nothing Thinking

Many women with ADHD grow up masking and overcompensating. This often turns into perfectionism. Goals become rigid (“do it perfectly or don’t do it at all”), so one missed day can feel like failure and the whole goal gets abandoned.

5. Emotional Regulation & Rejection Sensitivity

Goals are emotionally loaded. Setbacks can trigger shame, frustration, or rejection-sensitive dysphoria (“I failed again”). When emotions spike, the nervous system shifts into avoidance, making it harder to re-engage with the goal.

6. Burnout From Living in a Neurotypical World

Many women are already running at capacity from managing work, relationships, caregiving, and invisible mental labor. Goals often get layered on top of burnout, not built from a place of rest or support.

7. Goals Are Often Based on Who You “Should” Be

Resolutions are frequently rooted in internalized expectations: be more organized, more productive, less emotional, more consistent. When goals are about fixing yourself instead of supporting your brain, they’re harder to sustain.

The problem isn’t that women with ADHD are bad at goals.
The problem is that most goals are not designed for ADHD brains.

ADHD-friendly goals prioritize:

• Flexibility over consistency

• Systems over willpower

• Compassion over pressure

• Short feedback loops over distant outcomes

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Want more support?

Late Diagnosis ADHD Club: Join my FREE community for women with a late diagnosis who are looking to connect with others who just get it.

Groups for ADHD: I also offer virtual 8 week groups! Get information for my next group offerings here.

Resources for ADHD: I have a library of mental health resources and a section just for ADHD and Women with a Late Diagnosis!

Are you a therapist? I offer supervision and consulting for therapists as well as The Therapist Toolbox Resource Library for other providers.